Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
