we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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