i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
