My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
