she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
