do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
