i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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