T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize