at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
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Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
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I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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