Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
