Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
At least life still wants to fuck me.
my liver is dry heaving
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