i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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