i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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