I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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