Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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