This is not my ceiling
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
