you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
