hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just found puke in my bra..
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
