Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
