If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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