Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
