I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
