That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
