ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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