is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
