and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
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Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
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Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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