If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
