I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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