A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I love having hate sex.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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