Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
