I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
