I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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