He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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