I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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