i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
