my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Randomize
