smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
splinters make it hard to masturbate
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
