Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
