he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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