that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
