woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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