It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
