Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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