so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
