not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
