Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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