Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
