her vagine was all disorganized.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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