3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
