she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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