afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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