this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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