hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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