I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
