mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize