Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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