Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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