I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
