I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
