mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
