If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
