I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
